Bad

January 1988: I have been bad. It's not that I did not want to write in my diary, it's just that I didn't have the need. Now, after a long time I do have a lot to say and only a few minutes to spare. What to do? My Tia's health gets worse and seeing her decline is heart rending. I know she knows what is going on and it hurts her very much. She doesn't want to go on her errands anymore. It's like she doesn't care.

Discouraged

November 1987: I am so discouraged about everything that I can't even write the way I used to. Everything seems to be going down the drain.

Not Forgotten

Late 1987: I have not forgotten what it was like to stand before him and confess my love. I wish I could do it again. Forbidden or not, my feelings for Padre Luis were all too real.

Forgetting

December 9, 1987: There is no forgetting a thing like that. I can't just push it out of my mind and pretend it didn't happen. There has to be something better than what is now, but I just don't know what it is. I know that I lost what I still want.

Encounter

November 26, 1987: I had an encounter with Luis the other day and he just stood there looking at me as if I were a ghost. he said nothing and I had to smile and pretend it was all very normal.

Hanging

November 18, 1987: It's like my Tia and I are barely hanging in there and it's tougher on her than it is on me. What can I do? We need to lessen the burden, else nothing will be any good.

Never Enough

November 13, 1987: There is never quite what my Tia and I need. We need more and can't have it. Frankly, it gets to be tiring. It gets to be very tiring and I'm sick of it. So must she be.