Different Flags by Eugenia Renskoff

Different Flags, a book by Eugenia Renskoff, tells the story of 26-year-old Ani. Ani leaves her comfortable but stifling life in San Francisco to travel to Argentina to comfort her widowed Aunt Esther. Once back in her native country, Ani must face her unexpected feelings of love for Padre Luis, her aunt's young and handsome parish priest. Different Flags is a study of Ani's inner conflict.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

I am a writer, translator and teacher of Spanish and English to foreign students. I have been writing since I was six. I love to express myself through words. I have also traveled widely.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Gossip

March 9, 1985: I do not know if it is gossip. I just d o not know what else to call it. Somebody said I should enjoy my life b ecause when my youth is gone, what then?

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Whisper

March 8, 1985: For now it is just a whisper, something that cannot be said out loud. It must not happen. It cannot be meant to be.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Whatever

March 6, 1985: Whatever it means, but I do not know that. I might as well be a child as far as sex is concerned. And I do not like that feeling. Not at my age, which is 27, almost 28.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Dreams

March4, 1985: It´s like being in a movie or something like it. I dream about Luis in part to forget our troubles. And because it makes me feel great! Silly or not, I feel like a woman when I think about him. Even with David as a platonic friend, I need more. Passion, at least.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Thunderbolt

March 2, 19 85: A thunderbolt--that is what it was when I saw Luis for the first time. It was like the scene in The Godfather where Michael sees that Italian girl and he stands there, thunderstruck. That is how I felt in my real life. It was probably t he best experience of my life.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

How Naive!

March 1, 1985: How naive can I get? All this talk about Luis and I haven´t even slept with him. I need to get more real, more real about the real world. That´s where I am right now.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Interests

February 28, 1985: I a m boiling mad! Other people have their agendas. Where does that leaves us, my Tia and me? It looks like others are protecting their own interests, their own little worlds as well as their pots of money. That is just dandy. Fine. I saw it today when the landlord came again with the new lease. We have no one to advise us.
Who protects us? Who cares what happens to us? Sometimes I wish I had not started this growing up thing. I see so much that is self serving and so very little that is actuaaly nice and warm.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

American Dollars

February 26, 1985: I was hoping that the little bit of money that we got for he jewels would stop my mother from sending checks. Not that we are not grateful, but I do not want American dollars, her American dollars, to be sent here so much. I understand my mother more now, more than I did when I was back in San Francisco, and I know what a hard time she had getting what she has. Next to my Tia, my mother is a rich woman. She deserves to keep as much of her money as she can. Just like my Tia would have deserved to have her very own home, and not this heartbreaking new move, new people, experience far from San Vicente.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Wake Up

February 24, 19 85: I guess I have to wake up to many things. Some of these things I wish did not exist, some I am glad to feel. The main thing is that gro wing up is not what it is cracked up to be. >It is a very gritty, sometimes not very funny, process.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Money

February 22, 1985: What will resolve the fear of poverty? My Tia suffers from it and I can understand why. But not even pawning her precious pieces of jewelry will bring her the relief she needs. We have a little bit more money. But it is not enough.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Enough Said

February 15, 1 985: Some people do not say enough. I am one of them. Too quiet, almost mousey. But, there will always be a but. I cannot help being who I am--that mousey, not well dressed young person pretending to be old.

The Pawn Shop

February 12, 1985: Now the idea is to take the few pieces of jewelry that my Tia has and go sell them to a pawn shop. I mean sell because we will not get them back. There is no money for that. My Tia feels guilty over the money my mother sends. There is no need, I told her, but she insists on the pawn shop idea.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Naive

February 10, 1985: No, I am not naive anymore. One thing that this trip to Argentina did was thst it cured me of that weakness. But I would do anything for Luis. I would do anything for him and I would never regret it. Not for a second, no matter what people thought.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Selfish

February 8, 1985: Yes, I am selfish. I admit it. And I do sin when I think about Luis. But it feels so good! In fact, nothing in my life has felt as good before. It does not do him any harm and it pleases me tremendously.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

No Favors

February 7, 1985: I don´t want to ask Pdre Luis for a favor, any favor. I don´t even want to call him. But my Tia insists. She says he knows a good heart doctor.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

My Tia

February 6, 1985: I think we need to visit the hospital again. My Tia looks very pale, very drawn. I do not want to lose her.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Need

February 5, 1985: I will need to be as feisty as my Tia. After she goes, what will become of me then? She is a survivor, in spite of her apparent frailty.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Reinventing

February 3, 1985: Reinventing myself would be the simpleast and easiest thing to do. The best, because this Ani is not getting what she wants by being herself.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Interesting?

February 1, 1985: After all this time, is that thew only thing that is interesting about me? I´m talking about the fact that I am an American. That fascinates people, but it is too familiar to me to do anything but say: Yes, so? What else is new?

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Sincerity

January 30, 1985: No, sincerity definitely does not pay. Before this trip I thought that it did, that people did things for the right reasons. Now I know that they almost never do.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Good, but?

January 29, 1985: There is always a but, even when it comes to growing up. There is always something in the way, like these problems lurking in the shadows. I know I need special skills to solve them, but the question is: How do I get those skills? People are not born with them, or are they?

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Real

January 29, 1985: The weather keeps getting hotter, just the way I like it. I wish I had the money to take my Tia to Mar del Plata, Necochea or another summer resort. She says she doesn´t, but she could use some rest and relaxation. She needs to get away from La Lucila, if only for a while.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Choosing Well

January 25, 1985: I seem to have chosen Luis. That is true beyond a doubt. But, for next time (if there is a next time), how do I avoid being chosen and not choosing myself? Do I have to be passive and just accept the fact that the person likes me when I do not like him?

Friday, April 07, 2006

Angel?

January 23, 1985: Me an angel when I pray for Luis to stop being a priest?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Not Again

January 21, 1985: I´ve grown up some more. Today I wouldn´t make myself look ugly, priest or no priest.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

No Need

January 17, 1985: No need to look ugly and old anymore. Luis is nowhere near around.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Sweet Butter

January 15, 1985: We went to the corner almacen just like we always do, and when it came time to pay for the stick of butter she had wanted so much, she was afraid to. My Tia said it cost too much money, she couldn´t afford it. I said I´d pay for it. No, she told me. I will do without. It made me so sad because she never used to think about how much food costs. Never.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Up To

January 11, 1985: I was asked what I was up to. Have no idea why. I keep blushing a lot, especially when Luis´s name is mentioned. Don´t want to feel like a silly schoolgirl.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Less

January 10, 1985: Less me. That´s what I´ve got to be. Less vulnerable, less my heart in my sleeve type of person.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Stale

January 8, 1985: My life feels stale, like there´s nothing exciting going on. It´s just the same old, sme old. Can´t tell my Tia about it. She´s got her health to think about.