I don' t want to

What does I don't want to do it say about the decision that must be taken soon, probably this coming week? I don't want to and yet I'll have to. Like other times, it seems that I'll have no choice, not a good one anyway. Sometimes I think that something is indeed breaking down and falling apart (just like an old car) but I don't see the new model anywhere. This new unwanted decision will harm me. I don't want to take it. I wish I didn't have to say :Yes, I'll do it.
I care what happens to me. For the first time in ages, I care. That's why I only want good things from now on and this decision isn't a good one. It's not really in my best interests. The decision is similar to the "I've been there, done that" decisions of the past. This is now. Before must go and never come back.