Different Flags by Eugenia Renskoff

Different Flags, a book by Eugenia Renskoff, tells the story of 26-year-old Ani. Ani leaves her comfortable but stifling life in San Francisco to travel to Argentina to comfort her widowed Aunt Esther. Once back in her native country, Ani must face her unexpected feelings of love for Padre Luis, her aunt's young and handsome parish priest. Different Flags is a study of Ani's inner conflict.

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Name:
Location: New York, New York, United States

I am a writer, translator and teacher of Spanish and English to foreign students. I have been writing since I was six. I love to express myself through words. I have also traveled widely.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Enough

November 18, 1983: I think my Tia has had enough uncertainty. It is perfectly uinderstandable, given the fact that her life never was an easy one to begin with. My uncle didn{t always have a steady job, she miscarried several times and she had to be the strong one when she wanted something different. And now this eviction thing. About time she had a litle hope, better days ahead.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Seeing Luis?

November 17, 1983: I wonder if I´ll see Luis. I think I will see him, since he´s still here, but I am afraid. Can´t help it. I had very strong feelings for that man, feelings I enjoyed discovering in spite of all my denials.

Lawyer

November 16, 1983: We´ve been here before. In fact, we were here about a year ago. Then my Tia and I saw a lawyer and now we are about to consult with another lawyer. Eviction is a big thing, it´s something that she shouldn´t have to go through at all.
That´s why we are going to talk to a really knowledgeable person, someone who can help her in case there is a lawsuit.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Bricks

November 15, 1983: I don´t like to admit it, but the news of Luis´transfer hit me like a ton of bricks. I was surprised, shocked and even a little sad. Why is he leaving San Vicente? Where are they going to send him?

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Reaction

November 14, 1983: My Tia asked why I came back to Argentina. Shouldn´t I have stayed in SF with my mother? If it was on account of Padre Luis, I shouldn´t have bothered. They are sending him to another parish, anyway. Couldn´t tell her I canme back because of her.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Telling

November 12, 1983: I asked her to go with me after our snack in the kitchen, and then I told her. She was sitting on the edge of the bed and I just blurted it out. Papa´s dead, I said. He didn´t want you to know.
She put her hands up to her face and cried.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Adjustment

November 11, 1983: Being back in San Vicente with my Tia feels nice. Sometimes it feels so nice that I pretend I have never left. But I have. I actually have gone back to San Francisco. Things that we will not like will be happening soon and I must prepare her--prepare myself.

Monday, July 25, 2005

San Vicente

November 10, 1983: My Tia went to the aeropuerto de Ezeiza to pick me up. Hugged her so hard I thought her bones would break. San Vicente looks the same, but I am not the same person I was the first time I came here. I do not know that other Ani anymore. Who was she?

The Plane

November 9, 1983: I am writing this on the plane. Finaly made it! I will be there soon. My feelings are excitement, happiness, fear--all rolled into one.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Do

November 7, 1983: In spite of all my doubts, all my fears, I´m going back to Argentina.Will help my Tia as best I can.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Postpone it?

November 7, 1983: Should I just not go now? My sister advises me not to travel back to Argentina. But I need to see my Tia again, find out how I can actually help her. I might need something else, too.
I won´t think about it. It´s too scary.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Do

November 6, 1983: I wonder what I will do when I see Luis again. That´s why I want and don´t want to go back to Argentina. If we do meet again , what will I do? What will he do?

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Fear

November 5, 1983: I am afraid that I will not be able to help my Tia this time either. In spite of my best efforts, there wasn´t much that I could do while I was there. I´m still going back to Argentina, but I think that she deserves better. She doesn´t need to be hounded by the eviction threat. She doesn´t deserve to be scared that she´ll not have a safe and secure place to live anywhere in this world--anywhere in Argentina, at least.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Thoughts

November 4, 1983: I have been lonely before, but not as much as now.Nobody needs me here on Clement Street. Sometimes I feel I don´t exist, don´t matter at all.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Reservation

November 3, 1983: I have made a reservation to go back to Argentina. It´s for the middle of the month. Can´t wait to see my Tia again. Cant wait to embrace her, hug her.

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Reason

November 1, 1983: Nobody in the house on Clement Street can understand why I am going back to Argentina.Maybe it is too soon after my father´s death, but my Tia is all alone there with a terrible problem.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Objection

October 30, 1983:My mother doesn´t want me to go back to Argentina now. She thinks it´s too soon after my father ´s death. But my Tia and the eviction threat! Where will she go if that actually happens? As for Luis, he can keep his precious vocation. I wish I could shove it down his throat!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Trip?

October 28, 1983: I have a feeling I´m going back to Argentina soon.I don´t know when, but it´s near.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Knowledge

October 25, 1983: My Tia will have to know about my father. Much as I want to keep it from her, I know I can´t. Even if I fear it´ll be too heavy for her to take, I´ll have to tell her.
She doesn´t even have a lawyer, a good one, to help her when they actually sue her for eviction. I wish we could count on somebody over there in Argentina, but not even Luis could help.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

None

October 23, 1983: There is no place for it to hide. At least, there isn´t anymore. My Tia has asked about my father again and I can´t tell her he´s gone. Dead. There´s bad news as far as her situation is concerned. They are suing her.The landlady and her family think that´s a good way to evict her, I guess.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Will Be

October 25, 1983: My mother will be taken care of. It´s something to do with community property in California. Won´t be quite the same with us.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Will

October 20, 1983: The lawyer will be reading my father´s will soon. In a few days, I think he said. I´m sure my mother will be taken care of, protected.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Now What?

October 19, 1983: I can´t believe that my father´s gone, none of us can.What will happen to me, what will happen to my mother? She misses him so much!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Bag

October 15, 1983: They put him in a black bag and then they took him down to the back of a truck. My mother called out to him: Ale! Ale! but he couldn´t answer.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Gone!

October 14, 1983: My brother came into my room to wake me up. It was three o´clock in the morning.¨Dad loved you very much,¨he said. My father looked so peaceful that I was glad he wasn´t suffering anymore.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Almost

October 13, 1983: It´s a very iffy time here in San Francisco. The doctor came a while ago. He didn´t say so in so many words, but I believe my father is almost gone. No morphine, no drugs can give him back his life or his health. My father doesn´t want to wear his pajamas anymore. He ceased caring about practically everything.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Feelings

October 11, 1983: What do I feel knowing that my father´s dying? There are no words that can describe this but I´ll try because I need to tell myself. I wish I could make my father well again so that he could go fishing in Florida the way he used to. I wish I had that power.All that I and my family have is pain and a feeling of helplessness.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Not Long

October 9, 1983: I don´t think it will be long now! My poor, poor father! Not even the morphine helps ease the pain!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Suspicion

October 7, 1983: My Tia is beginning to suspect that something is wrong with my father. We don´t know what to tell her anymore. Can´t keep lying, can´t tell her the truth.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Near?

October 5, 1983: It´s very sad for me to say this, but I think my father won´t last very much longer. His weight has dropped since the surgery and even his talk about going to Florida with my sister driving him is all sham. It won´t happen.In the meantime, my Tia knows nothing. She doesn´t suspect a thing.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Other Men?

October 4, 1983: It may not be the right time to think about this (my father is very ill),but after it´s all over, I think I want to start dating. Never dated before. I´m tired of being a 27-year-old virgin. And besides, I might as well try to forget Luis. I will probably never see and never hear from him again.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Loneliness

October 3, 1983: I thought I had done away with my old loneliness, but now it´s back and it seems stronger than ever. I had lost it with my Tia and Luis, but this new lonely feeling--I don´t like it one bit.

Vulnerable

October 2, 1983; I see so many vulnerable people on my way to the office! People sleeping on the sidewalk, people begging for a few coins!I can´t believe this is happening in San Francisco and probably in other major cities of the U.S.
Is my desire to help them one of the reasons why I fell for Luis? Part of his job is exactly that--to reach out and help these unfortunate ones.As a priest´s wife, I could have done so much!

Friday, July 01, 2005

Clothes

October 1, 1983:My first office job making copies for all the other office workers. Most of the women dress well, even the ones who don´t make a large salary.Before I met Luis, I didn´t care about how I dressed, but now, even with all the distance separating me from him, I want to dress better. Not just for now, but also for when I go back to Argentina.