Lines

June 24, 1984: The long lines! People looking for work, looking for something! It is so sad. Wish there was another way.

Looking

June 18, 1984: I wonder what looking for work will be like around here. What will the experience resemble? I won´t know until tomorrow when my search begins.All I remember from when I was a little girl, is this comment from all the grown ups: They want them young. The younger, the better.

Bad!

June 18, 1984. Another thing that Doña Teresa told us made us very angry. Seems that Matilde did not really want the house for her poor relative. No, not at all. She just wanted us out so she could paint it, fix it a little bit (or a lot, because the bathroom was awful)and charge a new tenant 3 times what my Tia was paying her. Why doesn´t God ever punish people like Matilde? Why is it that good people always have to suffer and bear heavy burdens?

Knowledge

June 18, 1984: I think that Doña Teresa suspects my feelings for Luis. If only I could shout it from the rooftops! If I could tell the world how much I love him! But love is (or should be) a two-way street. It´d be different if he and I were a couple, as in engaged or something. Then I wouldn´t care if the Pope himself knew about it. I could deal with him very well, no shame, no guilt.

Visit

June 16, 1984: Doña Teresa paid us a surprise visit yesterday afternoon.It was like a breath of fresh San Vicente air and my Tia and I both loved it! I was dying to ask her about Luis and I got my chance when my Tia went to the kitchen to make coffee. He´ll be transferred soon, she said. Quite a surprise, because they don´t usually transfer priests in the middle of the year. That´s usually done in March, when summer is almost over. Wish I knew the reason behind the transfer.

Thoughts

June 11, 1984: I guess my Tia can´t work, she shouldn´t work. But I can. There has to be something for me here besides teaching English, the usual and familiar. I want to grow and forget as much as I´m able about San Vicente and how much I miss it. How much I miss Luis.
And I want to bve a different person, not the person I have known all these years. Not Ani, who never gets what she wants.

Job

June 8, 1984: The thing to do, for me at least, is to get a job around here. I need to be doing something at the same time that I take care of my Tia. She remembers the neighbors we left behind, I remember Luis. San Vicente seems to belong to another planet, and yet, it´s right here, but untouchable all the same.

Zoom

June 7, 1984: Motorctcles zoom by us when we walk in La Lucila. Those young kids (not much older than I am)make me envy them. I wish they could take us somewhere far. Doesn´t matter where, as long as it´s not where we don´t want to be.

Adjusting

June 5, 1984: This is the new place, but in our hearts and minds, we are still in San Vicente. My Tia and I are still theere in our now empty kitchen, and though this kitchen is bigger and more modern, we don´t care. The old one suits us just fine.

New Place

June 4, 1984: Here we are. It is the new place. After the hugs, kisses on the cheek from all the neighbors, this is it. Our new home. Our something away from San Vicente.

Two Loves

June 2, 1984: I love two peple more than anything else in this world. That can never change. My Tia and Luis. That´s all.

Last Days

May 30, 1984: My Tia and I are spending our last days in an Vicente. We do not say anything. We do not talk about it, but the air is thick with it. Our feelings of sadness are there, and we do not want to leave. We do not want this change.

It

June 1, 1984: A very cold day in San Vicente. Maybe it´s because we should be staying here and we are not. This is our last day in this house. Our neighbors are with us, but it doesn´t help much. My Tia and I are in a daze.

Eyes

May 29, 1984: Luis and I said goodbye.We were all eye and gesture language. It was like a silent movie, one in which the actors didn´t need words to express their feelings. That is how it was with us yesterday afternoon in the little office of the parish church.All eyes.

How?

May 26, 1984: Just how we´ll do it, I don´t know. Doña Teresa and the rest of our neighbors are helping, but our task seems impossible. It´s the emotional part that hurts. For me it´s also saying goodbye to Luis. It´s walking up to him and saying: I´m leaving San Vicente.

Too Much

May 24 1984: We are giving too much. We are giving away too many things that my Tia could sell and get money for. I do not dare tell her, but more money would make her feel better.

Through

May 22, 1984: My Tia has begun looking through the closet in the spare room. All the clothes once belonging to my uncle are still there, and she is deciding which ones to keep, which ones to give to Catholic Charities, better known as Caritas here in Argentina. Some times I am with her while she looks through his clothes, other times I just cannot be there.

Something

May 19, 1984: At least, the neighborhood is nicer.Something to look forward, I guess, except that we´re not buying that story. Another 30 days and San Vicente will be in our past. 30 days here where we want to be.

Changes

May 16, 1984: I can´t believe all the changes in our lives! Some have been good, like Luis (he brought love into my life) and some we could have done without. My Tia, especially! My Tia, so frail and vulnerable and with this situation!

Done?

May 14, 1984: I think it´s almost done. My Tia will decide about the apt. and then? Then we will probably move. I hate moving from a place I love, even if the neighborhood is nicer than San Vicente.

Carolina?

May 13, 1984. A woman came to see Luis today. She was pretty--long dark hair, brown eyes, a good figure. I think they were once engaged and then he decided to become a priest. Hope it wasn´t her fault. Can´t understand why a man would want celibacy, would accept it. A man like Luis, good-looking, with sex appeal and lots of intelligence.It´s definitely beyond me.

Alone

May 10, 1984: Maybe my Tia would feel alone no matter what I did--or didn´t do-- to help her. Maybe it´s too late to do anything about it now, about her loneliness, her feeling that everything´s over. I don´t want to ask Luis to talk to her because what could he do? Words are not going to solve this.

Help?

May 6, 1984: Yes, Doña Teresa is very nice. She´s being very nice, offering to help us move when the time comes. She says she´ll go with us to see the possible new place, which will make things a little easier on my Tia. Nothing can make up for not being in San Vicente anymore. She´s too used to it and so am I.

Not Bad!

May 6, 1984: This afternoon I saw a little apt. It is nice, cozy and intimate--just what my Tia would like.Hopefully we can se it together later this week.