Scandal

April 4, 1984: Yes, my Tia is right. There would be a scandal if people knew how I feel about Luis. And all the old (and not so old) women would yack it up.The scandal would be even bigger if Luis confessed that he loved me.

Talk?

May 1, 1984: Tenemos que hablar, Ani, he said. Luis and I have to talk? What about? I´m scared. I´ve been hearing stories about women in love with priests lately. True stories. Those women had a very hard time. They had to face scandal and the what will people say thing, and even their families sometimes disowned them. That wouldn´t happen to me (I don´t think) but.I love Luis with all my heart, my body and my soul. Wrll see what he has to say.

Darling

April 29, 1984: Darling? Nobody ever called me darling before. No man, that is. Wouldn´t be great if Luis did someday?If only he didn´t have that thing, the white collar around his neck! Wouldn´t want him to call me darling or anything near it if he was wearing the collar. I´d feel that he was being unfaithful to me, two-timing me with the church.

Looking

April 30, 1984: Why is looking for a new apt. as hard as it is? It´s not looking in the paper and crossing off the more expensive places. It´s psychological, it´s everything that she doesn´t want, that I don´t want to happen.

Maybe

April 29, 1984: I´ll try and see what Doña Teresa means. I will think hard. As far as I know, even if my Tia went to live with the Queen or the President, she´d still want San Vicente. And if I were to meet someone else, maybe I´d still want Luis.

Options¨?

April 28, 1984: Options? We have options? Doña Teresa said we do.I wonder just what these options are. For the life of me, I can´t see them.

Guilty

April 28, 1984: Sometimes I feel guilty because of my Tia´s situation. Couldn´t we have done more for her? Couldn´t I? Now she´s got to leave San Vicente and she´ll feel homeless, no matter where she is.

Packing

April 27, 1984: We will have to pack now that the veredict is in. All of my Tia´s dear possessions, all of my uncle´s clothes! How will we stand it?

Advice

April 20, 1984: I think my Tia is beginning to resign herself to leaving San Vicente. Luisa, our lawyer, gave me some good advice. She said to go by myself at first to look at apts.(I have been doing just that, anyway). Only get her involved if I come across an apt we can afford and like. I will call my mother.I think we´ll need more money for the security deposit, everything else.

Newspaper

April 17, 1984: Back to reading the newspaper ads again. At least I am, because my Tia does not feel up to it. Back to worrying about finding somebody who will help us rent something. More and more of the same. Haven´t we already been there?

Sad

April 15, 1984: All is sad around here. My Tia goes to the spare room, touches my uncle´s clothes and starts to cry. Doña Teresa, our next door neighbor, invites us over for cafe con leche and a chat, but my Tia makes any excuse to cut our visit short.Luis has been kind. He has called my Tia and has comforted her, but still, not enough.

All

April 7, 1984: All >i could think, after the judge said what he had to say was: Now I will have to say goodbye to Luis and my Tia to San Vicente. We are to stay 3 months and then? Then what? Start over at her age?

In

April 5, 1984: Prepare her? Prepare her for what? Luisa, our lawyer, asked me to do that. As if my Tia had to be numbed into accepting something. Something very soon.

Soon

April 4, 1984: I am sure that the judge will make his decision soon.Doubt there´ll be any more witnesses.

As If

April 2,1984: I often feel that I´m married to Luis.I know it´s silly, and of course, it´s not true, but he feels like my husband. That´s what my heart says.There is no way I can teel my Tia, and I have no one else to confide in, no one who would understand.

Luck

April 1, 1984: April Fool´s Day in the United States. A perfect day to ask if my Tia´s so-so luck has really run out? Is it gone? Then what will happen if the judge rules against her?

Weird

March 29, 1984. Weather is cooler, but it is still sunny. I do not understand anything anymore. I just give up. How can Matilde manage to speak in such a soft, sweet voice and act like the nice and sympathetic landlord? She is no lady! No friend of mine, now or ever.

What?

March 29, 1984: Now Matilde is set to testify. What will she say? Will she try to win the sympathy of the judge?

Surprise Witness

March 28, 1984: Luis was a witness this afternoon. I never expected to see him in the courtroom. He wore a suit, just a plain dark suit, no white collar. I looked at him and I blushed. Why did I turn my head and look away?
Then, when he was asked to step down, he walked right by me. His eyes. I will never forget his great big eyes. They seemed to be saying something to me. I wish I knew what.

Contrast

Narch 27, 1984: Today it was my Tia´s turn to be on the stand. My Tia, with her black and white hair, held in place by a penita, her big haircomb. She wore a long sleeved lilac-colored shirt and a black wool skirt. The wrinkles on her face were more prominent than usual, and when the judge asked her about my mother in Californiam she spoke softly, looking at the floor.Poor Tia! Next to Matilde´s lawyer, she looked like an old family sevant.

Anything?

March 19, 1984: Will anybody´s good intentions help? Will what they´re doing for my Tia be of any use? I don´´t want to be pessimistic, but that´s what I am these days in spite of myself. Of course, I don´t show her my fear. Would make things worse.

Maybe?

March 21, 1984: Beginning of Fall in Argentina. My Tia is showing signs of stress. She can hardly sleep and not even our usual afternoon mate with bizcochos makes her feel relaxed. Maybe? As in maybe things will turn in our favor? I wish! I wish it with more than with a ll my heart.

Luis

March 18, 1984: Luis has offered to give my Tia a good character reference. He has said that he will personally speak with the judge. I know my Tia is grateful and I´m happy, but this is a mess. A real mess.

Lawyers

March 14, 1984: The law building of San Tomas! This is it and we are about to begin our journey with all this law thing. We have had nothing to do with lawyers, and it´s not an easy thing. New terminology, new way of looking at the way we are and are supposed to be. My Tia squeezed my hand hard. The judge looks grim and Matilde´s lawyer is wearing an expensive raccoon coat. Too bad the landlady is well to do.

Premonition

March 11, 1984; It gets stronger, this premonition that has been around me since the other day. We will need more than my Tia´s innate goodness and decency to see us through this eviction trial.

Fear

March 9, 1984: Is there someone, besides Luisa the lawyer, we could turn to? I mean, she´s so young! Can´t be more than 28.

Chills

March 5, 1984: I get chills every time I think about my Tia and the coming trial. My left arm and leg are especially vulnerable.It´s like they are trying to tel me something, giving me a warning of some kind.