Heart

August 16, 1984: My Tia´s heart is not doing well. She can´t be upset about anything, hear any news that will make her nervous. I´m afraid for her. Afraid for me, too.

Blushing

August 13, 1984: I will get as red as a tomato tomorrow. Doña Teresa invited my Tia and me to her cousin´s engagement party, and Luis will be there. He´s very well liked and his personality is one of the best things about him. I wish I were like that! Someone who finds words easily (orally, I mean). Someone who knows what to say and when. Maybe that´s one of the reasons why I love him. He´s the opposite of me in many ways.

Birthday

August 1, 1984: My birthday today. I can´t believe I´ve made it to 28. Practically 30. I want my Tia and I to enjoy my day--no worries about anything, especially San Vicente or money. But I can´t help but wish that Luis were here. I wish he knew it was my birthday and cared.

Doctor

July 28, 1984: I have made an appointment for my Tia to see the doctor at the hospital. I don´t like how pale and drawn she looks. Adjusting to this new place has been a strain on her.

Never Mind

July 27, 1984: Never mind what has nothing to do with Luis or reminders of him. The reminders are more than plentiful and I still don´t understand what they mean. Now I need to concentrate on my Tia and on my Tia´s health. She doesn´t look good and I´m very worried about her.

Genuine?

July 12, 1984: Somebody paid me a compliment today. A man in his forties (I think) told he I am a genuine person, and not afraid to show my feelings. Yes, I thought to myself, but that hurts sometimes. I mean, being vulnerable is a two-way street,not a wise thing most of the time.

Fear

July 7, 1984: My Tia does not look too good these days. Her appetite is practically gone, and she does not care about housework the way she used to. I ask her what´s wrong, but she will not tell me.

Options

July 7, 1984: I will look at some other options to find work. Maybe teaching children in La Lucila, maybe the elderly. Anything would be better than more interviews.

Interview

July 5, 1984: My first job interview didn´t go very well. The woman kept noticing my accent (I am not from here anymore). Did not like that at all.

Appreciation

July 3, 1984: My Tia may talk a little rough sometimes (like she does not care about love and affection), but she is one of the nicest and most decent people I have ever known. I can trust her, which is more than I can say for most people.

Luis

June 29, 1984: Why did we have to meet again? I didn´t want to. That´s the last thing I expected or needed, but there he was, outside our new apt. building. He said he had to speak with my Tia. I didn´t know what to say, so I just nodded and we went up the elevator together. The ride to the 6th floor seemed to take forever. Being close to him again was not wise.