Words

October 5, 1985: There are no words, no adequate words, to tell how my Tia looks now when her illness is making her suffer more and more.

For

October 2, 1985: No, not for us, not for my Tia and me. My Tia with her already too hard life could use some rest, something good happening to her, for a change. I am still young, but a smile would be welcome, too.

Happiness

September 30, 1985: A little happiness for me and my Tia. That would be quite a change for us.

Old?

September 30, 1985: No, not when I´m old. That is not when I would want things between Luis and me to work out. Now, when we can still have a family, have kids. Later it will be too late.

Small

September 28, 1985: It is a very small world. Today I ran into someone from San Vicente who knows Luis. This woman even suspects my feelings for him. Incredible!

On

September 27, 1985: I guess moving on would have been better. I should have moved on from Luis and San Vicente in my heart and in my soul. Easier said than done.

Encounter

September 25, 1985: He was about to go out, I was about to go in. It happened on the Avenida and the bakery was crowded because it was noontime. We looked at each other, said nothing.

Hands?

September 22, 1985: Would throwing up our handsin despair do the trick? My Tia and I are not getting what we need, not by a longshot.

Never Again

September 21, 1985: I will never again care about anything as much as I care about being here. Ever.

Smile

September 17, 1985: She is smiling. At nothing, but my Tia looks happy.

Party!

September 6, 1985: Luis made me feel like I had been invited to an important party. When I was near him, I felt like a queen. Now that my Tia is looking so much weaker, that gives me some comfort. Some something.

Prepare?

September 5, 1985: How can I be ready for the worst? The doctor at the hospital suggested it. I can´t deny it anymore. I can´t tell my Tia.

Not For Real

September 3, 1985: It is not real. My Tia is not getting weaker. It is not happening.

Old Lady

September 2, 2006: My Tia looks like what she is: an old lady. I hope things come to a head soon. For her sake, for mine as well.

Shoe

September 1, 1985: I am waiting for the shoe to drop and there is nothing much I can do about it. My Tia and her health are not getting any better.

Happy

August 30, 1985: How long will the happy look last? My Tia seems better, but till when?

Happy

August 30, 1985: How long will the happy look last? My Tia seems better, but till when?

In

August 28, 1985: We are in for a new apt. Maybe this one will help cheer up my Tia. It is near San Vicente. She can see our old neighbors, talk about her favorite things.

Different

August 28, 1985: Yes, I guess I am different. Not even normal by any standards. And not because I am not married, not because I am displaced, without a real country of my own.

Story

Augusat 24, 1985: There is a story here, a story about my growth as a person, about my Tia, too.

Up Hill

August 20, 1985: We have an uphill battle on our hands, my Tia and I. It is like we are a car with not enough fuel that still has to make it to the top of a very steep hill in San Francisco.

Words

August 18, 1985: There are no words to help my Tia. Only better health can and that is not possible. She is getting weaker and when we go out, she holds on to me even more than before.